Earlier in the week, I got a concept stuck in my mind and now I can’t remember why it seemed so vital. But it inspired me to look up a bunch of quotes and plan on writing about it for my weekly update. Hopefully, my motivation will reveal itself as I write. That or I’ll just ramble away and you’ll just have to read it anyway.
And, side note, yes, I sucked at filling out more than just the log of calories everyday. I am a Bad Blogger. Shame. Shame.
So the particular concept that had me all riles up was …
Well, I don’t necessarily mean it in the romance-novel-pink-scripted desire. I also mean the desire for anything – the desire to get this job I interviewed for, the desire to be skinny, the desire to be strong, the desire for that extra cupcake in the breakroom. According the Dalai Lama (well, mostly according to wikipedia), one of the four noble truths is that suffering comes from craving, or desire. That about sums up everything I know about Buddhism, which is a shame, cuz it sounds interesting.
I’m interested in this concept – could this be why I don’t succeed, or am not really happy with success when I achieve it? Is the desire itself thwarting me? Does this mean that my visualization collage was really visualization sabotage? But so many people have taught that a specific, measurable goal is key to successful weight loss, and even success in other parts of your life. (Remember The Secret? Where The Law of Attraction states you get what you get -good or bad – by thinking about it? So if you change your thoughts to match your stated desires, you will achieve those desires.)
The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring. – Carl Sandburg
I like Sandburg’s take – that I can still use my visualization collage and my images of beauty and success, but that the key is admiration without desire. I am not sure how realistic this is though. It may be that I’m just a shallow person, but divorcing those two emotions is, um, hard. I have been able to come close at times, but the more I think about it, the less I believe it was true admiration or the more I believe desire was lurking there under the surface.
If I think about this on a very shallow level, I guess I have achieved it though. I have been able to admire a cupcake, think it looks scrumptious and lovely, but have no desire to be the one to eat it. It’s not that common, but I can hold on to the fact that I have, miraculously and only on occasion, been able to divorce my admiration from desire.
Those who restrain desire, do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained. – William Blake
Hmmmm, but this quote from Blake is more to my liking. Instead of expecting me to desire somthing less in order to be happy, he expects me to desire it more. And by really dedicating myself to that desire, to that goal, I can achieve it. This could be bad for me though. For instance, I desired that I would obtain certain satisfactions from my job. When I didn’t get them, I quit that job. Perhaps it was because it was in the desiring that I made my mistake – desire leads to suffering – which means that quitting and trying to find those satisfactions elsewhere was not overcoming the source of suffering. Or, from Blake’s idea, quitting and working to find those satisfactions somewhere else is the better path – I am not allowing those desires to be restrained. But wait, I just realized my fallacy – Blake says nothing about success or happiness, just the strength of desire…crap…I’m confusing myself. Maybe one more quote will help?
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. – Woody Allen
AHHHHHHHHHHHH! So my question remains – should I desire to be thin and strong and healthy and hold on to that with tenacity, wrestling that desire into reality tooth-and-claw? Or should I meditate, relinquish desire, and focus instead on the process (aka, the path)? And of course, all of this presupposes that happiness is possible. That achiving my desires or relinquishing my desires might lead me to a path of joy and happiness. And maybe that assumption is the real problem.
The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt. – Thomas Merton
My race results for my first 5K in a million years (ok, more like two) are up – 
