Fitbethlin's Journal

Lately, I feel pretty.  I know, I know, I’m crazy AND full-of-myself.  But lately, I do feel pretty.  I think some of it is the success going to my head – I’m finally at a normal BMI (24.4 bitches!) rather than at an overweight BMI (26.6 in late December).  Some of it is because I’m not weighing in everyday -  although that also worries me, ya’ know? Some of it is because I’m focusing on behavior rather than results, which frees up a lot of energy that I usually spend on self-flagellation (get your mind out of the gutter) for self-congratulations (no really, you have a dirty, dirty mind).

I also decided a month or so ago that I was letting myself get a little sloppy.  I was washing my hair and sleeping on it – which does not work for me – then putting it up in a pony tail – also bad for me – for weeks.  And wearing clothes that fit-ish rather than the ones that actually fit.  The khaki pants I was wearing all the time were just a little too tight – you could see the pockets’ outlines too clearly, and I had to plan the right underwear or they looked trashy.  And I ran out of some make-up, so I just didn’t wear any.  As I was only wearing pants, my legs weren’t quite as smooth as they should have been.  All in all, I was still bathing and brushing my teeth, but that was all I had going for me.

And then we had an event to get dressed up for.  DH got a tux, I bought a dress.  So I went to the store and got new makeup, played with my hair till I could make a reasonable up-do and got my nails done (and shaved my yeti-legs).  Hell, I even got off my butt and took my ring in to have it replated and cleaned.  Sparkly! After feeling especially hot at the event, I managed to look nice for work the next Tuesday – and the compliments on everything (from my nails, to my hair, to the fit of my pants) made me realize how sloppy I must have been getting.  I went shopping for new clothes so I had a couple more things that actually fit.  And I felt so good about the small gains there, that I decided to re-try the blog and the weight-loss-lifestyle-change. (I am saddened that I can’t find any pictures of me feeling pretty.  I don’t often take pictures of myself though.)

And now, when I’m wearing my underwear and standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, I’m no longer creeped out.  I don’t actually look down at my tummy and think “ewwwwwwwww” (ie, the tagline of this blog).  I look at my body and I can still do the teenage thing where I look in the mirror and identify the flaw (lo, they are many and they are flabby).

But it’s got a different tone (ha! a pun!) right now – I’m know that I can do something about the things I don’t like.  And I know that it’s better than it was 12 lbs ago.  I’m also sure that it will look even better in the future.

Mostly, this post is for me to look back on in the future, when I settle back into a funck.  To sum up, I feel good about myself right now:

• because I started to take care of the body I have, rather than pining for the one I want
• because I focused on process not results
• because friends and co-workers noticed and tell me I look good when I whine. (Not so much under my control as the other two, but it helps)

~ by admin on April 25, 2009.